I'm so sorry, I'm a material girl

On clothes and what they do to my psyche.

Pictures from Instagram (L-R): @damsonmadder; @ebonylouisefrancis; @dreamsisterjane; @seventymochi

On a bad day, I shop.

Sometimes I look at clothes and something magical happens. I brush my fingertips over the fabric - maybe it’s soft, or slinky, or stiff - and I hold it against my frame to see how it might fit. And if I like it, I am transported.

When I buy a new piece of clothing, very rarely am I buying pieces of fabric stitched together. More often than not, I’m buying a story I’ve promised myself will play out when I slip into it. I’ve bought high neck jumpers that will help me pass exams I take in old libraries lined with spider webs, and summer dresses that will watch the sun go down with me on sandy beaches. My periwinkle Mary-Janes promise me rom-com style morning routines, and chunky knit cardigans mean I will reach my target word count by the end of the day.

I recently went to London, which is one of the best places in the world to people-watch. If I wasn’t claustrophobic, I’d sit on the tube for hours making up stories in my head about the people sat opposite me, where they’re going and what they go home to. I saw a girl with incredible cheekbones in a red jumper the last time I was there and I was sure she had a green sofa and lots of house plants. Maybe a cat?

We went into a shop called The Mercantile, which is a must-visit if you’re ever in Spitalfields. It’s a treasure-trove of goodness, and I genuinely think that if you’re eighteen or eighty you could find something in there that makes your heart sing. If there’s one thing I love about clothing, it’s that you can throw something on and it makes you feel even more like you.

Anyway, there was a girl in there wearing a jacket, and immediately I knew I was going to get emotionally attached to it. It had a leopard print body (leopard is a neutral, for those who are wondering), and a sort of scalloped pale blue top. Impossible to describe and do it justice, but I’ll try and find a picture. You might look at it and think ‘Ella, that’s literally the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life’, to which I say ‘well, that opinion is fine, but when I saw it my eyes nearly popped out of my head and I couldn’t imagine ever being able to wear something so unbelievably fabulous’.

She wore it with denim jeans and black ballerina pumps, and she looked sooooo cool. Something about a jacket like that inspires confidence, like if she crashed her car into me (which, from the balloon sleeves, I can tell that she wouldn’t, but hypothetically speaking) and I was panicking at the side of the road, I knew she’d be able to phone the AA and get everything sorted quickly and efficiently. I knew that she hosted amazing dinner parties and had a fabulous collection of glasswear and colourful table runners. I knew she went for drinks with the girls after work at chic up-market cocktail bars lit by festoon lights and soundtracked by lo-fi beats. I didn’t know any of this, actually, but I could sense it. The jacket told me everything I needed to know in a heartbeat.

Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)

It’s no secret that when it comes to shopping I am my own worst enemy. I set unrealistic goals about having a “no-buy” month, and then I see a genie in a lamp disguised as a pair of jeans promising me three wishes and my “no-buy” rule goes out the window.

Anyhoo, if you hadn’t guessed by my incomprehensible blab, my toxic trait is convincing myself that buying certain items of clothing will give me my dream life. Dress like the person you want to be, and all that. Though I do think there is some truth in that, so I’ll circle back later.

I don’t mean to startle anyone (myself), but the jacket won’t make you the ultimate hostess. No, to do that you will need to choose a date, set the table, put something in the oven, and serve a meal in good company. A new pair of leggings won’t make you stronger. It’s no good thinking about going to the gym - you’ll actually need to pick up weights. And keep picking them up. It’s not one and done. I know, I know, but life’s not fair.

I reckon this habit stems from those glorified salespeople we call influencers. It’s the Molly Mae jacket all over again - perhaps you don’t have a boxer boyfriend and a Molly maison mansion, but you can have the Zara jacket and maybe that will make you feel a little closer to the dream. Or maybe you invest in a Dior lip oil because if you buy that then you can call yourself a Pilates Princess and you will have a pink aura and matcha will stop tasting like grass and you’ll be able to hold a plank for longer than thirty seconds. All because of that pink gloss. It’s the ultimate bargain: buy this, and you’ll get your dream life in return.

dreamsisterjane

A post shared by @dreamsisterjane

I do think there’s something to be said for dressing for the life you want. It’s empowering, a small way to encourage habits we’re trying to form. Let’s say you do want to start going to the gym and get stronger, maybe you lay out an olive green set before you go to sleep and put it on first thing in the morning. And maybe because you’ve put on the set you feel inspired to have raspberries and granola instead of a Nutella slathered crumpet (maybe), and maybe then you’ve got a little more energy so you lay out your mat and do a thirty minute Pilates class with Move with Nicole, and then perhaps you do that every morning and before you know it it’s three months down the line and you’ve stuck to it because it feels good to wear a matching olive green set and get stronger.

I got into the habit of wearing sweatshirts and joggers to work because I wanted to feel like I was wearing pyjamas all day. It was dark outside, and I wanted to go back to bed. The problem was I’d get to work and feel lethargic, and when I looked out the window and the skies were grey it made my heart sink even deeper. I kept wearing my sweats when the sun came out: I began to feel lazy and it was harder to concentrate. If there’s one place I don’t want to feel lazy it’s the office. I want to feel focused and motivated.

This is your sign to have a movie-montage style session trying on all the clothes in your wardrobe. But I don’t want you to put them on to see if they still fit - I want you to style your clothes. Make outfits that inspire you and make you want to jump out of bed in the morning so you can put them on and feel fabulous.

I recently did this and it’s been a game-changer. My mood has been sooo much better since. AND (brace yourselves) I get my outfit out the night before so that when I wake up I don’t panic and throw on something that I don’t feel comfortable in, which has been known to happen. Once I turned up in a H&M catsuit thing and a pair of Uggs and I regret it with every ounce of my being.

Clueless from Pinterest

I’m never without an inspo mood board and I’d spent my weekend watching How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days and Miss Congeniality, so naturally it was full of pictures from 00s rom-coms. Jenna Rink is truly the it girl when it comes to rom-com fashion. They all have their moments - Andie Anderson’s yellow dress, Elle Woods’ hot pink suit - but Jenna takes the cake for me. Perhaps it’s her mix of colour and accessories that does it. She truly looks like a 13 year old making the most out of a 30 year old’s wardrobe.

I tried everything on and took pictures to reference later.

For me the key was in the accessories - I generally wear white trainers and the same gold jewellery every single day, and the same cream oversized bomber jacket thrown on top. Also, this is how I know I need new friends because this jacket is WAY too big for me, and I only noticed this when I went to a football match and ended up on SKY TV of all places looking like an actual IGLOO. Traumatising!! I’ve worn this jacket nearly every day for about two years and nobody pulled me aside and said, look, this jacket makes you look like Baymax.

So, I swapped my trainers for Mary Janes. I’ve collected a few pairs over the years in various happy colours but I never wear them because I robotically wear my trainers. Soph suggested making fun new years’ resolutions in January, and this might be the first time I’ve stuck to one, because mine was to wear the shoes that sit collecting dust in my cupboard. I also saw Ciara wearing fun socks with hers, so I’ve tried that and it’s cute, so I’m sticking with it.

I tried neck scarves but they reminded me of going to Brownies so not for me, and I also tried trendy sunglasses but I’ll be so honest, I do not have the face shape for it. I am a big sunnies girl ONLY. Small ones make me look like one of the three blind mice from Shrek. Things that have looked good:

• Long necklaces (love Missoma for these)

• Colourful socks with Mary Janes and Birkenstocks

• Bracelets with colourful beads

• Earrings on hair-up days

• Actually bothering to change my handbag to match the outfit, just to tie it all together

And when I did this, when I sifted through the rail of clothes hanging in my wardrobe, playing dress-up for the first time since I was a little girl, I was living out a fantasy I had stuck in my head. A movie-montage dress up scene. And when I put on my outfit for work this morning - full-length jeans, a white tee and a cornflower blue mohair vest - I felt happy. And I ate a bowl of granola and listened to Grace Kelly on the way to work, and the sun peeped out from behind the clouds, and I smiled when I walked in the office and said “hey!”, and went to the kitchen and made a cup of tea and the day felt easy.

So no, buying the clothes, the shoes, the handbag, won’t give you your dream life. But I’m so so sorry, I am a material girl, and I find my confidence in my clothes, and slipping on the good ones make me stand a little taller and smile a little brighter.

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