Small, Valuable Lives

Sunny Side Up #26

I went to see Ballet Shoes at the National Theatre this week, and I cried. It was one of my favourite stories as a child. I loved the glamour, the hope, the love, and the adventure. I went to see it with my Mum as part of a special festive day out in London. As we walked into the theatre, we saw a class of little girls all squeaking and giggling with excitement. They were tiny - they must have only been about seven years old, with hair wrapped in plaits and navy tartan skirts. As we walked past, one of the girls looked at me and smiled. I melted.

The girls’ delight rubbed off on me, and I began to feel shimmery. I was excited for them to watch the play, this story that made such an impact on me growing up, and could only imagine what it might do for them. I just know there were little girls twirling in the rain on their way home, and falling asleep with dreams of flying. Ballet Shoes made me feel like I could do anything I wanted.

Earlier in the week I watched You’ve Got Mail. I’ve seen it before, but I don’t think I’ve ever sat and watched it properly with no distractions, so that’s what I decided to do. As the credits rolled, I was furious. Why on God’s green earth would Kathleen Kelly want to be with Joe Fox? Ignore the fact that he’s played by Tom Hanks. This is a man who puts a woman out of business – the business that she loved and that her mother had started. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie, I will watch it again. However, as Kathleen weeps, confessing to Joe that “I wanted it to be you so badly”, even though he has already broken her heart, I was overcome by frustration. Talk about an injustice! I understand that Joe feels bad for putting The Shop Around The Corner out of business after 45 years, but not bad enough. Kathleen finishes the movie jobless and in love with a man that broke her heart but bought her daisies to make up for it. Hm.

Anyway, that’s besides the point. There’s a line in the movie that I want to ponder on. Kathleen writes to Joe:

‘Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life – well, valuable, but small – and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave?’

This is exactly the sort of existential crisis ideology that plays on repeat in the back of my head. We are infiltrated by images of how we ‘should’ be living — finding ourselves in Bali, treating ourselves to a Chanel bag, getting engaged in a field of roses, the list is endless. We measure our small, personal lives against larger than lives, and judge ourselves accordingly. Why have I not done more? Why have I not seen more?

What is a “small” life?

I think we naturally consider our lives to be small because we can only see them from our own perspectives. We get up and go to work each day, pack up at five, drive home with the radio on, boil some pasta, watch some telly, and go to bed. Repeat. Maybe one night we’ll meet a friend for a drink, and catch up about all the little moments that string our days together.

Shoutout to all the stick insects <3

Perhaps we consider our lives to be small because we do not want for the grand, bold lives presented to us in the media, whether that’s the luxury we see on Instagram or the adventure presented to us in a book. Maybe we do want these things, but because we see ourselves as someone who lives a small life, we do not allow ourselves to reach for them.

The reality is — and forgive the cringe of this — life’s what you make it! Kathleen wondered if she hadn’t been brave enough, and maybe she wasn’t. Maybe she needed to be braver to allow herself to feel more fulfilled by life, to make her own experiences as gratifying as the ones she read about in her books. There really is nothing wrong with living a small life if it’s making you happy. If you strive for more, though, then you have to be the person to make that happen. As they say, nothing changes if nothing changes.

If you feel like your life is small and worry that it shouldn’t be that way because of the lifestyles marketed to you through the TikTok algorithm, know that your life is just as valuable as the ones on the screen. Lives aren’t measured in centimetres anyway, so actually this whole conversation around “small lives” and “big lives” is a load of codswallop.

Life is big and bold because it is yours and it is full of your unique experiences, even if they’re not the kind marketed to you via an algorithm.

Last night I asked my Mum — the oracle — a big and unfair question: ‘what do you think the key is to a happy life?’ She settled on a one-word answer.

Contentment.

If you achieve contentment, then the size of your life does not matter. Being content doesn’t mean you cannot strive for more, it just means you’re happy while you’re doing it. It doesn’t mean there will be no bad days, but it does mean that you know the good ones will come again. Who you are, where you are, how you are, what you are is enough.

In You’ve Got Mail, Kathleen compared her life to those of fictional characters in novels. If the movie were set in 2024, she’d be comparing herself to the carefully calculated lives of influencers.

Contentment is a skill. It’s like a game of Mario Kart. You’re in the driver’s seat, and you have to dodge the banana peels (ads, reels, stories, etc.), and pick up the golden coins (joyful little moments). Bad analogy, but I hope you get the gist. In 2025, make contentment your priority. Once you’ve done that, you can go for whatever it is you want and reach with both hands, knowing that if it all goes wrong, you’ve got a nice soft pillow to land on.

• Winter is the time for hot puddings. Sunday dinners are simply not complete without a sweet treat! We had a chocolate and walnut lava dessert and it was perfect. There is nothing more wonderful to me than a homemade pudding.

• I love when I begin watching a movie and the rest of the family get pulled in. I started to watch You’ve Got Mail and my parents recalled the time they first saw it together.

• I can’t believe I’ve not got around to reading Bella Mackie’s novel How to Kill Your Family sooner. Have any of you read it? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

• The thing about visiting central London is that there are so many little surprises nestled throughout the streets. We stumbled across this Paddington Bear mural on the South Bank which is sooo sweet!

• One of the best parts of our trip to London was the number of people I saw wearing Christmas jumpers. I was overjoyed to see it. It felt like something out of a Richard Curtis film — all of these people heading out on their commute, briefcases in hand, yet bedazzled by a sparkly Santa hat. These are the little joys I live for.

• If you do get the chance to watch Ballet Shoes before it closes, make sure that you do! It was the best show I’ve seen in a long time. The cast were fantastic, and it was a real treat to see the ballerinas — we need more ballet in the world.

• I also have to add going to St Pancras to the joy list. It’s my favourite station. On the way home, there was a guy on the piano playing the Wicked soundtrack by the special Oz tree. The queue for Paris was unbelievably long — all of those people on their way to see a sparkling Eiffel Tower at Christmastime! We also stopped in Hatchards to pick up a book, I chose 84 Charring Cross Road, and Pret for a hot choc.

• Fabs came to stay with us again, armed with even more special biscuits — we’re truly being spoiled! Topics discussed included our Jellycat obsession, Christmas plans and The Traitors.

• Sunday was reserved for gift wrapping! I felt like Rowan Atkinson in Love Actually. I hadn’t realised how long it would take me, though — I watched Nativity and The Holiday while doing it and still haven’t quite finished.

• Bits #19 by

  Pandora Sykes
  : “Female frogs fake their own death (tonic immutability) to avoid men they don’t like. It’s so extra, I love it.” I wonder if I could do this, too. Will let you know how I get on.

• I Don’t Know How To Be A Friend by

  Michelle
  : “I don’t know how to be a friend.

  But I’m always trying.” This one made tears form in my eyes. I am waiting for the day Michelle gets her own column in a fancy newspaper so that everyone gets to read her sentences.

• Writer’s Routine with Robert Thorogood: all I could think was, he sounds exactly like he’d be a detective in Death in Paradise. Makes sense.

• Is this any way to treat a face? by

  Anita Bhagwandas
  : “This peculiar sameness that's emerging among celebrities and influencers right now is our new beauty standard and it’s one that blurs individuality, genetics, race and age.” I’d call this essential reading. Beauty standards have just about hit the ultimate level of impossibility, and it’s a dangerous game to play. Sort of reminds me of the characters from the Capitol in The Hunger Games books.

• Don’t Leave Your Life On Read by

  Kathleen
  : “Time is going to pass by whether you do something with it or not.” I will never tire of Kathleen’s off-the-cuff essays. It always feels like she’s giving me real-talk over drinks.

• Black Doves on Netflix. We’re a couple of episodes in and hooked! Love that it’s set at Christmas, too, it really makes use of all the Christmas songs that are otherwise neglected by crime dramas.

• On that note, this article by Hannah Coates for Vogue discussing Keira Knightley’s apparent lack of botox, which, I hate to say it, was one of the first things I noticed in episode one. I hadn’t realised how well adjusted my brain was to seeing ageless faces. A woman in her late thirties, allowing herself to look like she’s in her late thirties, and doing a beautiful job of it. I always think about this when I watch Four Weddings and see people with real, imperfect teeth.

  

  & that’s the last Sunny Side Up of 2024! I’ll see you in the New Year for some more fun and games. Wishing you all another year of health and happiness, however you celebrate. 💌