The Extraordinary Ordinary
Late NYE thoughts
I approach the New Year with caution. To me, it’s always felt like the Sunday Scaries turned up to max volume. I have never been one for a big party, I hate the anticipation of the countdown to midnight and the intimidation of fireworks popping as the clock strikes twelve. We all know “new year new me” is an unnecessary weight on our shoulders, and that resolutions get forgotten about by mid-February. Still, there’s something about the turn of the new year that makes my stomach do its best washing machine impression.
I don’t know who it was that decided New Year’s Eve had to be this massive party where we have to commit to changing our lives “for the better”, and mark it all with lots of things that go BANG!, but I know we wouldn’t be friends.
So, you’ll find me indulging in my comforts this NYE.
Cinema trip to see harmless film targeted at children
Dinner at restaurant, where I will order the same thing as always
Pyjamas at 9pm if not before, and watching About Time.
Sleep, with EARPLUGS.
I always put a lot of thought into my NYE movie because it has to be something that reduces my anxiety and reprograms my mind to think calmly and optimistically. Nearly every time, it ends up being a film by Richard Curtis.
One of my most prized possessions is my hard copy of Six Weddings and Two Funerals by Richard Curtis. It’s a compilation of some of his screenplays, with some extra notes and thoughts he’s added. In the introduction he discusses the primary message behind one of my other favourite films, Love Actually.
‘I still believe very deeply in the argument at the top of Love Actually, that love is all around us, friendship too. I don’t buy at all this argument that romantic comedies are deeply unrealistic and sentimental, while violent, angry movies are somehow inherently more true. Statistically speaking it doesn’t make any sense to me that a movie, let’s say, about a runaway soldier in Glasgow shooting a pregnant woman in the head, which has probably only happened once in history, is called searingly realistic, while a film about someone falling in love with someone else and kissing them at the end - which happens hundreds of thousands of times every year - is labelled sheer fantasy. In the face of all the other stuff, injustice, violence and hate, it’s important to remember and celebrate the great counter forces of love and friendship that many, many people experience every day of their lives.’
This idea is echoed in About Time — embracing those mundane, ordinary moments that we typically overlook, but actually give life its sweetness. The joyous thing about Curtis’ writing is that it celebrates so many different strands of love - romantic, familial, platonic, friendship.
Hugh Grant, who plays Daniel in Love Actually), recently rewatched the film with Vanity Fair and noted that all of the stories within Love Actually are about pain, and how we deal with it. How sombre!
Unfortunately, we live in a world where pain is inevitable. Hearts will be broken, loved ones will pass, friendships will end, bones will be fractured. Mental health crises, global pandemics, war — pain is so easy to find that it makes it seem like love is a myth. Being able to find and intentionally seek out love in spite of pain will prove to be our greatest superpower.
I have a feeling this one might end up being long, because I don’t do word counts and I ignore the email length limit warning when it pops up, so make yourself a cup of tea, a hot chocolate, a glass of wine if it’s been that kind of a day, and snuggle in. 🫖
1. Special On Purpose
The absence of social media in this film is welcome. Do you reckon if we put TikTok in movies they will be really outdated in five years? Admittedly, I don’t think we were all taking our internet personas quite as seriously back in 2013, but nonetheless, it’s wonderful to watch a story where the digital world doesn’t take priority over the real one.
Life is a lot of little moments punctuated by bigger ones. Like how you have cereal on weekdays and then on weekends, CROISSANTS. We can end up in a state of mind whereby we spend most of our time waiting for the exciting events to come along, and in doing so we do not allow ourselves to appreciate the little things.
Exhibit A: These pictures are my August - October 2024. There is one ‘big’ moment here, which was when I went to The Era’s Tour. That’s one ‘big’ moment over the span of three months. The rest of my days were made up by little things that made me happy. Baking cookies, going for dinner at my favourite restaurant, stars in the night sky, my mum surprising me with Nora Ephron pasta, and an early morning viewing of Harry Potter.
Your life will feel special if you make it that way. Finding the magic in the everyday takes effort. I know, what a pain. I could have easily decided to sit on the sofa all day instead of bake biscuits, I could have gone straight inside instead of admiring the stars.
A hack I’ve found for making these little moments feel more special is to create a Pinterest board full of your own photos. You are the inspiration. They don’t have to be curated — none of these photos are. My method is to get my phone out and snap so that it doesn’t distract. But capturing these mundane moments and treating them like a special event sort of retrains your brain to view them in a rose-tinted light. Then you can review them at the end of the week and notice all the tiny little things that made your days feel a little extra sparkly.
You don’t even have to go that far — just becoming mindful of what you’re experiencing every day. Giving yourself permission to feel joy any time you can.
Real life doesn’t look like an Instagram picture or a TikTok aesthetic and you’re just going to have to learn to be okay with that.
Look at Tuesdays - mediocre. It doesn’t have to be that way! Why not wake up, and instead of having Weetabix, toast yourself a crumpet and put real butter and jam on it? Now we’re talking. Long commute? No trouble. You can listen to a new podcast and learn something absolutely fascinating, and then tell everyone about it when you get to work, and everyone will think you’re super clever. It’s like the time when I was on the tube (Ella On The Rails 😉), but it was a DLR, and I was saying to my friend “I wonder why they’re called DLRs?” and the man working on it chimed in and told us that they’re called Light Rails, because if you were to pick them up, they would be lighter than your bog standard tube. How amazing is that? You can use that fun fact at your next dinner party.
2. Find The Right People
I’m sure I read somewhere that you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. Make sure they are good ones.
There is simply no point in spending time with people that drain you. It’s a waste for the both of you.
Connections work both ways. Reply to messages. Make arrangements and follow through. Don’t let people down if you care about them. Life will be a lot simpler and happier this way, and most importantly, people will be aware that you care about them.
You know when you were five and you made lists of friends and adjusted them according to how good of a friend they were to you? Five year olds know what’s up. Let’s bring it back. Make a mental note of how people are treating you, but more importantly, how are you treating them? Check if you’re the problem. Sorry to break it to you, but being an introvert is no excuse for being a bad friend.
Send flowers. Send birthday cards. Remember to say good luck. Check if they’ve got home safely. Turn up when you say you will.
3. Be Brave, Everyday
One thing to know about Tim is he is awkward and a little bit afraid. Aren’t we all?
Another thing to know about Tim is that he doesn’t let that stop him!
I feel like there’s a lot of similarities between Tim in About Time and Jamie in Love Actually. They’re both greatly underrated in terms of their willingness to grab life with both hands and go after what they want fiercely.
You have to be willing to fail. Life will be all vanilla and no sprinkles if you’re not prepared to shake things up.
One of the most loving things we can do for ourselves is pursuing the things we want. There is nothing worse than sitting in a pit of ‘what if’s’ and ‘maybe’s’. The older we get, the more concerned we are by what others might think of us — the fear of rejection. We need to be braver.
By doing so, two things can happen - first, we could get the thing we want, or second, we can learn a lesson. Neither of these things are bad. Whether you’re afraid to apply for your dream job, or tell someone that you love them, you owe it to yourself to try.
4. Being Okay As You Are
One of the most difficult things to do in the modern world is accept ourselves exactly as we are. We’re always expecting so much of ourselves and the people around us.
Social media has made me feel immense pressure to have a big group of girlfriends, own a city apartment, download Hinge, go on a solo trip to Paris, eat kale, and start reformer Pilates. This isn’t the way my life is, nor is it the way I want it to be. Yet sometimes, I feel disappointed in myself that this is not how my life is.
There’s two strands to this.
The first is accepting yourself as you are.
The second is allowing yourself to be the person you want to be.
The thing is, you’re never going to be a finished product. And thank goodness! How dull would it be if by the ripe old age of, what, twenty-five, you had nothing left to strive for? Don’t be boring — be a late bloomer!
Wherever you find yourself right now, at this very moment, make peace with it. For me, it's eating a tub of mini brownies at my desk. I told myself I wasn’t going to eat this stuff anymore but here I am. I am flawed, and I’ve already swallowed it so what else can I do? I’ve just watched the trailer for my friend’s new movie on Apple TV. Everyone stream The Gorge. My big success this morning was driving to the big M&S without making any mistakes. This is why they say comparison is the thief of joy!
There’s a fantastic line in About Time:
‘We’re all travelling through time together every day of our lives. All we can do is our best to relish this remarkable ride.’
Your best today will look different from somebody else’s best. It will be the same way tomorrow and the day after that.
The important thing is you’re constantly putting in the effort to make yourself happy and move yourself towards the point where you want to be.
Let’s say you do want to try reformer Pilates. Sign yourself up! Don’t wait for someone else to say they’ll come with you. Get a good pair of leggings and go. Move yourself closer to the point you want to be. Make yourself a success in your own terms.
Ollie’s new movie is a big success for me because I get to host a themed dinner party this time. Gates of Hell cupcakes anyone?
5. Lower Your Expectations
I say this because the things that matter the most are right under your nose.
Most of the time, what we have is enough. Everything else is just a bonus.
Love can be easily found in the little moments. Your partner making you a cup of tea in the morning, a catchup at lunchtime with your favourite colleague, being greeted by an overexcited pet when you return home at the end of the day. These things might not involve a grand gesture and confetti, but they are still moments of love. If we can learn to recognise it, we’ll find that love is buried in so many moments throughout the day.
As you lower your expectations, raise your efforts. This is for your own benefit, as well as those you love.
You don’t need an excuse to go all-out. Wear your Sunday best on a Wednesday. Bake a cake with extra icing. Go the extra mile just because you can, and try to think the best of people. I’ve found that a lot of the time, the thing preventing us from doing the things we long for the most is ourselves. We hold ourselves back because we think we can’t, or we think we’re not deserving, or whatever the reason may be. The truth is, you actually can do whatever you want. Prove it to yourself!
Let’s say, like me, you want to host an all-out dinner party for your friends. Book a date in the diary and invite your friends. Buy yourself a table runner and a bunch of flowers. Choose a board game. Turn on the mood lighting and a Nora Ephron inspired playlist. Curl your hair for the occasion. Pour a glass of something bubbly. Then, you can let everyone enjoy themselves and relax into the evening.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know that in my bubble there’s been a lull in effort-making. Let’s change it up. Let’s throw effort at everything we possibly can, because at the end of the day, only we can make our lives the way we want it.
Above all, I think it’s important to remember that no matter how life feels today, that tomorrow could be the best day of your life and you don’t even know about it yet. I’m not sure exactly what it is that makes a day the best one, but I do know that it’s highly likely that love will be responsible. That’s the thought I’m taking with me into 2025.
I’m going to leave you with this last thought from the great RC —
‘I’m a great believer that love actually is all around and I never stop thinking that for all the terrible things going on in our world, somewhere in London half a million people are falling in love.’
About Time is one of my favourite romcom's ever and I adored this post. I especially loved the point on accepting who you are and who you want to be. Social media can make it seem like we need to do 101 things but focusing on what brings us joy is so important.
Best wishes for the new year!
I absolutely adore this ✨