The Only Way Out Is Through

Sunny Side Up #23

This week, I panicked.

Things got a little bit on top of me and I ended up writing Bridget Jones hate mail (sorry to Bridget).

Substack has introduced me to so many wonderful friends who talk honestly about the struggle and fear that comes alongside finding your feet (big thanks to

Soph Coombs

and

Ciara

), as well as those I see as the oracle, fabulous women who have been there, done that, and remind me that it will surely all be okay in the end (

Michelle

,

Lauren Brook

). I have been clinging to their articles the past couple of weeks, so guys, if your stats have gone weird and it looks like I was stalking you, I was.

I’ll be honest, writing this newsletter, I’m still panicking! My stomach has tangled itself in knots, my mind is on ten different things, and I’m not sure anyone will even want to read this. However, Sunny Side Up articles have always been a way for me to stop and recognise the good things, especially when life gets cloudy. It’s a bit like exercising when you’re feeling sad — you might not want to do it, but it will probably make you feel better.

This week’s worries have circulated around writing, friendships and future.

It seems easy to forget that writing is actually just a bit of fun — I never want to dread putting pen to paper and put pressure on myself to be the next... I dunno… trying to think of an author now but my mind’s gone blank and the only person I can think of is Jacqueline Wilson but that’s such a rogue choice and I didn’t even read her books growing up because they made me sad. I was an overly sensitive child. Anyhoo.

I’ve just bought some Jane Austen books because I have actually never read one. Is that blasphemous? The Anya Taylor Joy Emma is one of my favourite movies ever, so I have high hopes.

And I’m actually going to write this down because I don’t think we speak about it enough, and I feel guilty for saying it but it’s the truth - I am so bloody lonely!! I think there’s a real mix of what this period of life is like for people. I see a lot of people talking about how your twenties is the time to spend with your girlfriends and make memories, but I’m acutely aware that this isn’t the case for everyone (including me). I am very grateful for my friend Liza, without whom I would likely spontaneously combust. I also miss my friend Lucy, who has moved to Spain, but I know she is enjoying the sunshine. As she should. Lucy come back.

I also think I turned twenty-four and suddenly started worrying about money. It must be an age thing. All I can think about these days is how much I’m saving, how much to put aside for a house, whether my Spotify Premium account is an unnecessary expense, and wincing every time I buy a hot chocolate because I could have made that for free at home.

I was reminded of the saying “the only way out is through” as I was scrolling through Pinterest (obviously). Immediately it conjured up images of We’re Going On A Bear Hunt and all I can think is I better find an absolutely massive one. Trudging through these anxieties feels like going on a muddy countryside walk where you get your welly boot stuck and you try and move it but your foot ends up sliding out the boot and you lose your balance and get a muddy, soggy sock. If you know you know. Speaking of - once, I was at uni, which was in a city, and I was talking to a course mate from Surrey about Love Island and we were going on about aesthetics and filler and things like that, and the way it was making us feel pressure to look a certain way. She said to me, and I quote, ‘I didn’t think girls from the country worried about stuff like that’. In that moment I felt like I’d stepped into Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang, I swear to god. I was like, ‘what do you mean’, and she essentially thought that we were all running through fields and milking cows and so we didn’t go on TikTok and watch telly. Be honest with me, is this what everyone thinks?

I digress.

So, that’s that. I thought I may as well be honest because you never know, someone else might be feeling the exact same way.

• I’m not going to pretend that I don’t watch Christmas films all year round because I do. If you like something, why deprive yourself of it, y’know? Faves include Love Actually and The Holiday, and I am very excited to crack Nativity out as soon as December arrives. If it’s got Santa in or anything like that, then I do wait till December. But most films just happen to be set over the winter period, in which case I will watch without guilt.

• The first fire of the year!!! It’s SO COLD, and the only way to cope is to put the heating on, wrap yourself up like a pig in blanket, then light a fire until you are dripping with sweat.

• Throughly enjoying Jojo Moyes’ writing course on Maestro. I’m not big into romance books so I wasn’t sure if it would be for me, but her suggestions are fantastic and have really helped me to find a sense of direction this week when my head has been in a muddle.

• I finally hosted my dinner party!!! I got some of my colleagues together (and my friend Liza obvs) to help people make friends and encourage a bit of bonding outside of office hours. I figure if I’m struggling to meet new people, I can’t be the only one. It went really well, and they even bought me these gorgeous flowers, which conveniently went with the table scape! I love happy little accidents like that. The showstopper of the night had to be the chocolate torte, which is the best dessert ever in the world.

• In case you missed it, the UK has had its first snow fall of the season! It looks beautiful but I am living in fear of black ice. Every time I step outside I’m literally waddling like I’ve just learnt how to walk. If I wanted to walk on ice I’d have been a penguin. Pls melt soon!

• I’m also really enjoying I’m A Celebrity this year — I haven’t watched it in a few years. This year, however, Danny from McFly is on it and the Rev Richard Coles so I have been committed every night. Also loving Dean, despite the fact that he can’t seem to make it through a challenge. I’m hoping for some incredible character development here. I also think I want to be his friend.

I’ve been glued to

Florentyna

’s Write-vember Diaries, she actually inspired me to start the Jojo Moyes course and just give writing a go which I really appreciate. One of the best things about Substack as a platform is finding people who motivate you everyday.

The Power of Dressing “Badly” by

emily north

was the epiphany I didn’t know I needed. When she said ‘personal taste is only celebrated when it looks the same as someone else’s’, it flicked a switch in my brain. I see a lot of Taylor Swift’s street style looks and they always surprise me, because you can be the biggest pop girl of the century and still not be a style icon. This is it!! Thank you Emily.

I loved reading It's Been A Year and I’m Not “Successful” by

Izzy

. Her honesty was refreshing, and I love how she redefined success for herself. It’s easy to become infatuated with numbers and statistics, especially when you’re passionate about something and want to grow with it, but there is so much more to success than that.

Same time next week? Xx