What would Dolly do?

Advice from the only person you'd take it from.

dollyalderton

A post shared by @dollyalderton

“What would Dolly do?”

It’s a question my friend Lucy and I ask each other regularly.

There are three people in our friendship - myself, Lucy… and the wonderful Dolly Alderton. It has always been this way. Lucy and I met in 2018, but it’s as though we’ve always known each other. Lucy was 15 and I was 18 when we became friends, which is less strange when I tell you that she is now 21 and I am 24. We met at the National Youth Theatre (google it) and we shared a flat. We got used to each other almost instantaneously, laughing together at nothing in particular, sharing Pinterest boards for our future wedding days, and spilling our deepest secrets. Same person, different font.

When we returned home after our two week stint of being flatmates, we kept in touch with regular FaceTime calls and meet-ups. Our lives kept moving, as lives do, and we would fill each other in on what we’d missed, from my friendship anxieties to Lucy’s ex-boyfriend named after King Arthur’s knights of the round table (you wouldn’t believe me if I told you). We were both far too young to give each other any decent advice, so we did what any logical girl would do - we turned to Dolly Alderton.

I came across Everything I Know About Love when I was 18. It was my first summer since leaving sixth form, and already I’d been feeling a bit lost, with no plans for university or travel. My friends were suddenly stretched across the country, and I was alone for the first time. I set off straight to Waterstones, picked up a copy, and read it over the next two days. It was the first time I had read a book that quickly (I read at a snail’s pace), and I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was as though someone finally understood all of my anxieties.

Clearly this was universal, because I shared my new favourite book with Lucy and she felt the same. We would use Everything I Know About Love as a guidebook to life.

Lucy and me, in our happy place at Happy Place in 2022.

So, “what would Dolly do?”

Fortunately, we have the answer, because I literally asked her.

It was 2019, we were in a cathedral (because where else would we be?), Dolly was on her way to see Rod Stewart in concert (obviously), and I was on the cusp of turning twenty. She told me, and I quote, “never let a boy treat you the way you wouldn’t let them treat a friend, and keep your female friends close.” I remind Lucy of this nugget of wisdom whenever we find ourselves in need of a girly chat, and generally it helps us to look at our situations differently, especially when it comes to friendship and relationship trouble.

Dolly’s advice reminds us to trust ourselves more - deep down, we know when something is or isn’t right. Sometimes, we just need to readjust our focus to see it. By re-framing the situation as though it were happening to the other one of us, our true feelings become clearer. One thing it’s made us notice is just how often we allow ourselves to be treated in ways that would concern us if a friend were in our shoes. This doesn’t just apply to relationships, but friendships, career choices, and the way we choose to treat ourselves.

My favourite part of Dolly’s advice is the second half - “keep your female friends close.” Anyone who has read Everything I Know About Love will know that this is the way Dolly lives her life, surrounded by women who love and support one another.

Before my twenties, keeping my girlfriends close never felt like an effort. This was partly due to the fact that we were all in such close proximity to one another. As our lives have developed - some friends moved away, or are in serious relationships, others are in further education, or whatever the case may be - it has become even more difficult to keep them close. This is, for me, probably the most difficult aspect of my twenties.

I’ve found that I naturally gravitate towards female friendships. I do have male friends, but I tend to bond with women a lot faster and much more easily. I’ve connected with my friends over the smallest things - the colour of our nails, peppermint tea, Molly-Mae Hague - and somehow, these frivolous conversations evolve into late night emergency phone calls, sharing a toilet cubicle, and celebratory dinners just for the sake of it. I find it virtually impossible to befriend a woman and not envision her in a bridesmaids dress at my wedding. They’re just so brilliant.

It can be easy to put friendships on the back-burner: train tickets are expensive, I’m tired after work, and schedules feel almost impossible to align. I’ve always been an introvert and I am very used to and comfortable with my own company. However, Dolly’s words of wisdom are always in the back of my mind, and I remember why I make the effort. Life can be a tricky thing, and doing it alone is no fun. I need the girls to make fun of a bad situation I might find myself in and to squeal with when Taylor Swift brings out another album. There’s a beauty in being able to ask a woman for a tampon and her responding, “I’ve got you babe, regular or heavy?”. Women are comforting beings.

Besides, who else is going to answer when I ask, “what would Dolly do?”.

I’d love to know the best piece of advice you’ve ever had. Please share with me in the comments!

“For Ella - you’ll nail being a 20 something, love Dolly x” - she had high expectations of me, clearly.