let's all stop finding things to get upset about

Sunny Side Up #32

So there I was, minding my business, endlessly scrolling until I stumbled across a video about being the “coffee date friend” and I couldn’t help but wonder what this world is coming to.

If you’ve not heard of this (good!), essentially the “coffee date friend” is the person you’d meet for a coffee, but not for another social activity like a night out.

The person talking about this concept was upset upon realising that she might be the “coffee date friend” and people don’t want to make plans with her on a Saturday night, and is she doing something wrong?

I just wanted to wrap her up in cotton wool and tell her to switch her phone off and stop listening to nonsense like this on the internet.

Every time I turn on my phone at the moment there’s something new to be conscious of. Whether that’s a new category I ought to fit into or a trend I should follow. We’re anxiously trying to squeeze ourselves into tiny boxes but we don’t fit.

I think social media - TikTok in particular - gives us a sort of herd mentality. And it’s nice - being part of a trend, for example, makes us feel like part of a community. The world feels so much smaller online when you can identify with other people who share the same interests as you. If we apply something to ourselves, however, and it doesn’t fit with the identity we’re trying to create for ourselves, it can knock us for six as we no longer feel part of the community we’re so desperately trying to be a part of.

I don’t know the girl from the video, nor had I ever seen her before, so I can’t know for sure, but I’m assuming from the way that she was worrying about it that she doesn’t want to be considered a “coffee date friend”. The thing is, she wouldn’t have this anxiety if we as a society didn’t put so much pressure on how we’re perceived by the internet. Maybe she wants to be a “Saturday night friend” but because on this particular Saturday evening she’s spooning Ben and Jerry’s and catching up on Gladiators, she feels like a failure, or that there’s something wrong with her.

Obviously there isn’t. It’s just another stupid category the internet wants us to bracket ourselves into. This might come as a shock to some, but we are not defined by whether we see our friends for coffees or cocktails. We’re defined by the actions we make, the words we speak, the emotions we feel.

The other question I have to raise is… do you like going for coffee? If not, why not suggest plans for a Friday night? Maybe a girls’ night in? If you feel like you’re going on coffee dates and you don’t want to be that girl, then it’s completely within your power to do something else.

Equally - and tell me if I’m missing something here - what’s wrong with meeting friends for coffee? It’s one of my favourite things to do. We sit and chat and have nice drinks and maybe a slice of cake and we laugh and share and I’m still home in plenty of time to cook a nice meal and watch a movie before bed.

We can’t keep measuring ourselves against what we see on social media. It was one thing when it was the way we looked, but when it seeps into our personalities, lifestyles and relationships, there really is no escape. It’s like quicksand.

Every day brings something new to worry about, and it’s exhausting. There comes a point where we need to be tough with ourselves and say, ‘that’s ridiculous’. And this whole “coffee date friend” thing is ridiculous! We have enough things to worry about in the world and now we have to spin ourselves into a frenzy wondering what our social activity of choice says about our friendships. Please. Give me a break. At the end of the day, we can choose whether things like this affect us, and we have to be stronger than getting sad about what someone on TikTok says about coffee dates. We just have to, because the more of us that make TikTok’s about our coffee date friend concerns (et al), the more fuel we add to the fire and then we’re all going to be left scalded by the matches we lit.

Don’t let TikTok tell you who you are or how you should feel about it, please.

• It was my sister’s birthday this week! I made her a chocolate cake which is my speciality. Whipped out the piping bag for this one so you know it’s serious.

• Watched 13 Going on 30, one of the best rom-coms ever made.

• Saw some super fluffy sheep in a field! Spring is on it’s way ladies

• Watched the BAFTAs, I love the BAFTAs. BAFTAs > Oscars for me. Really pleased David Jonsson won the Rising Star award because I voted for him.

• Really wonderful advice from Miranda Hart on Valentine’s Day. Thanks for all the lovely comments on The Love Me Knot, by the way! It was so nice to read all your thoughts and kind words.

• Big week of movies over here - on Friday my friend Ollie’s new movie came out. Everyone stream The Gorge! You Belong With Me (Taylor’s Version) but make it kinda sci-fi. Not the sort of film I’d typically go for but really enjoyed it, and not in a biased way I promise.

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Nothing to Complain About by

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Same time next week? Xx