Please don't ask me for a life update; I don't have one.
Sunny Side Up #32
Recently a friend I haven’t seen in a while asked me for a life update and I had nothing to say.
It was funny, because in the twenty-six weeks since we last spoke I had done plenty of things - I had seen Taylor Swift in concert (twice), gone on a trip to the South Coast, hit a subscriber milestone on Substack, worked with a famous artist, hosted my first dinner party (and planned my second), watched two plays at the National Theatre, and planned a trip to Edinburgh. None of it seemed like the right thing to say.
My instinct was to say something along the lines of “nothing much”, but then that’s a stone cold lie. I’m a busy woman (all the time) and I didn’t want to belittle my life. I have a tendency to do this, because I assume what I’m doing isn’t impressive to others, which is ironic because I’m actually very proud of what I do and how I spend my time. Not to be a brat, but maybe I do impress myself.
The question feels almost confrontational, and I’m instantly forced to evaluate and review myself over the past few months, scanning carefully for something worth sharing. But I must be humble, I can’t brag.
Here’s the thing: in the months since our last conversation, I hadn’t reached a life milestone. Isn’t that the “gossip” people really want to know? I hadn’t bought a house, entered a new relationship, got a new car, a promotion or a pet. Nothing I’d done really seemed like “news” worth sharing. Telling her about the recipe I just learned or the surprise songs I got wouldn’t really titillate her desire for gossip. But maybe no news is news - maybe that’s the real gossip.
When we’re growing up, we don’t look in the mirrors and study ourselves as our features slowly begin to fit our faces. The only sign of getting taller is the ache of growing pains. Our teeth stop wobbling, we stop lying awake listening out for Santa as he tumbles down the chimney, we don’t lick the spoon when we’re baking a cake. We don’t notice that we’re growing up - we just do, until one day your jeans are too short.
Collecting our experiences works in a similar way: each coffee you sip while you carefully craft a new friendship, the hours spent building a career brick by brick, every droplet of sweat turning weakness into strength. Each tiny step is almost undetectable, a tiptoe in a library.
It’s easy to tell someone about an exciting beginning or a really good ending. The middle? Not so much.
If you were to ask me for today’s news, I’d tell you I went to the dentist, bought myself a cinnamon bun and treated myself to new rainbow coloured socks! I am overjoyed, tbh.
If I sent that in a text message, though, would it sound a little… pathetic?
Shouldn’t I be saying that I’m busy mooching around houses I’ve found on RightMove or bagged myself a brand new boyfriend with dreamy hair? Maybe, but it’s not the case.
I’m in the middle period, and so my news isn’t groundbreaking. It’s boring, it’s minute, but it’s enough for me.
And - okay - maybe it would be fine for me to send back a message that says I’m enthralled by my new socks, which I am, and maybe I’ll challenge myself to be truthful. Not likely. I mean, if I’m being honest with myself I should just send a link to my Substack — scan your eyes over the Sunny Side Up archive and you’ll have all the updates you could ever want from me.
But there’s something about the underlying niggling of failure that creeps in when someone asks you for a life update and you’re unable to provide them with the answer you think they’re expecting.
I frequently have to remind myself that it’s okay not to reach a new milestone every month. I’ve said before that most days are average but that doesn’t mean they’re not worthwhile, and I’ll say it again and again until I’m not sent into a frenzy of panic when someone asks me for an update. Until that day, though, please don’t ask me for a life update; I don’t have one.
Wow I forgot how many things made me happy over the last couple of weeks. This is why it’s so nice to reflect and make these little lists, if you don’t do this may I suggest you start?!
My mum made a dessert out of left over brioche and croissants and honestly this is in the top 10 things I’ve ever eaten.
My view from my desk last week was this happy little bunch of narcissus and they smelt so gorgeous, it was like stepping into a florist every time I opened my door.
Spent a Monday evening watching football with my family and was reminded that that’s what I live for.
On my way to hosting a social event at work one evening I had a who do I think I am moment with my Mary Janes peeking out of my nice handbag and this probably means nothing to anyone else but I can’t tell you how grown up it made me feel. Especially because does this mean my New Balance are my driving shoes now? Fully formed frontal lobe incoming.
The first glimpse of Spring came in the form of bright sunshine and daffodils. My mum and I went for a hot chocolate and sat outside and didn’t shiver the entire time. Of course, the next day it was baltic outside but I’ll take what I can get.
Went to see Mad About The Boy and sobbed my little heart out from start to finish.
I got a new dress! Ready to frolic in the meadows now.
Went out for dinner with Liza - we both had fish & chips and then shared a dark chocolate & malt mousse topped with honeycomb. We will be returning to this restaurant.
The first breath of sea air is always the best, isn’t it? I went for a trip down south with my parents (my besties, of course) and didn’t have wifi the whole time.
We went to see Conclave and omg plot twist
High Potential on Disney+, I am OBSESSED
I’ve also rewatched Nobody Wants This after the news that Leighton Meester will be joining for season two and I feel like that’s the best decision for all involved
This episode of The Rest is Entertainment:
Are celebs considering the impact of their kids starring in reality TV? by
This Elle Fanning look:
Same time next week? Xx
Thank you SO much for tagging my piece in this 🩷 Love u forevs
Sock investments are ALWAYS life update worthy but, like you say, so is everything else. It's not always big grand life plans, sometimes it's "I tried this recipe for the first time" and that's equally (if not more) fulfilling in the long run.
These socks are amazing and that dessert your mom made looks incredible!! I always feel the same way when catching up with friends…I never feel like I have anything exciting to say. I was wondering if part of not sharing the little stuff is either
a) the time between meetings or talking —we just aren’t close enough. I’ve noticed with some friends the little things come naturally and with others, the more time passes between talking the more weird it feels to share those things
B) social media is already revealing everything so what’s left to say? A little depressing but I can’t count how many times something comes up and is followed by that comment or thought of “oh yeah I saw that on your…”