Sunny Side Up #6: Say Something Nice

& why alone is the only company you need.

In all honesty, there wasn’t going to be a Sunny Side Up this week because I’ve spent the whole week being lazy by a pool but something happened that was the epitome of Sunny Side Up and I had to share.

We went for dinner at a seafood restaurant. It’s a beautiful place overlooking the sea, and as the sun goes down you can watch all the fishing boats light up while you sip on a glass of Vinho Verde.

As we began our starters, I noticed a girl to the left of us sat alone. At first I wondered if her friends were running late, or if she’d been stood up by a date. I quickly realised that she was actually just dining alone, and felt frustrated at myself for not considering that as an option to begin with, especially as it’s something I’ve done myself.

Perhaps it was the setting, a fancy restaurant filled with families, couples, and old friends. Maybe it was because she was wearing a beautiful long black dress with her hair in an up-do that my instinct was to assume she was all dressed up for someone else. As she sipped a strawberry daiquiri staring at the ocean, I realised the person she’d made all this effort for was herself.

I don’t want this to sound as though I was staring at this girl all night, I wasn’t. I enjoyed a really nice meal with my family, but every so often I would catch her in the corner of my eye. She had an aura of confidence: she was in her own bubble, she didn’t rush her meal with awkwardness, fidget with insecurity or hyper self-awareness. All I could think was how much I admired her for prioritising herself highly enough to put on her best dress, come to a beautiful restaurant, and eat a delicious meal. Not enough of us realise that this is a luxury we deserve whether we have someone to share it with or not.

It reminded me of the years I spent living in London: I loved going to the theatre alone and exploring new areas of the city. Having a solo day trip made me feel like I was in a movie: I’d look out the window on the train with a soundtrack in my earphones, jump off at Waterloo and walk along the South Bank as though it had always been my stomping ground. You’d find me having lunch in an Italian café in Richmond, snapping up tickets to the National Theatre, or trying on all the knitwear in & Other Stories on Regent Street. In a place like London, you quickly realise how little you matter to others. You may be noticed for a second, but you quickly fade into peripheral vision, and are then forgotten all together. London offers the opportunity to be seen, but also a unique sense of anonymity and independence. It’s incredibly liberating. When I was living there, most of the people I knew felt too anxious to go and explore on their own, and would ask me for tips on ‘how I did it’. My response was always useless: I just leave the flat and keep walking. Being alone has never fazed me, and I didn’t appreciate that it was something my friends didn’t feel they were able to do.

Some of my solo days out: Richmond, the South Bank & Chelsea

Seeing the girl in the restaurant, I realised I’d forgotten that sense of freedom. I could never have the confidence to do that, I thought to myself. But I do, and I have. We underestimate ourselves all the time, and quickly forget what we’re capable of.

As I walked back to my hotel with my sister and brother-in-law, I noticed the girl waiting for a taxi. I walked past her, thinking about how much I admired her and how amazing she looked. These thoughts are useless staying in my head, I thought, so I walked back over to her to tell her that her dress was gorge and she looked beautiful. She gave me a bright smile and thanked me, and I remembered a time I’d been at the National Theatre and a woman began chatting to me because she liked my jeans and before you knew it I was hearing all about her son’s wedding in June. These small interactions with strangers meant the world to me back then, and I hoped it would be the same for her. I want to make it clear that she didn’t need me to validate her beauty. However, no matter how easy someone might make it look, going out and doing something like that on your own can be an intimidating feat. A word of kindness would make me feel ten times stronger, less afraid of being alone, and I was more likely to feel like I could do it again.

This week I read Anna Kloots’ book, My Own Magic. In the book, she discusses her solo move to Paris. Talking about when she arrived in Paris alone, Anna writes:

‘My Uber driver’s words played in my head. “When I see person at dinner alone, I think soooo sad!” […] And in that moment, I honestly couldn’t think of a single person who I wished was sitting across from me. Paris was the only companion I needed.’

As a society, there’s a misconception that alone equates to sad. I had assumed that this woman was sat alone because others had let her down; it didn’t occur to me that this was a choice she had made. The Uber driver in Anna Kloots’ book makes a point of alienating Anna’s isolation, expressing pity and assuming that Anna herself must be sad also. In actuality, Anna finds the act of dining alone empowering. The girl in the restaurant came across the same way, and in turn I felt inspired by her.

When friends would ask me how I’d go out and do so many things by myself, I couldn’t comprehend why they didn’t feel capable of doing the same. I get it now - it’s the fear of the unknown, and the fear that everyone else is looking at you. They’re not - they might see you for a sec, think your dress is pretty, then carry on with their conversation. Unless they’re a writer, in which case they will go home and write a whole article about you. Put it this way - you’re a muse! Once you overcome the insecurity that everyone is looking at you, you can begin to enjoy the experience. The times I’ve pushed myself out of my comfort zone in this way are the times I’ve felt most present and confident in myself.

So, the takeaways here:

Take yourself out. Write a list of where you want to go - your favourite restaurant, the cinema, maybe it’s a walk in your local park. Make an effort for yourself - put on your favourite perfume, your special occasion handbag, whatever it is that makes you feel special. The key is not to rush: don’t hurry through the experience with fear of awkwardness. When they say that it’s only awkward if you make it awkward, they’re right. Go at your own pace. Take your favourite book or listen to a podcast. At the end, you can feel proud of yourself for stepping out of your comfort zone and prioritising yourself.

Secondly, say something nice to someone else. A co-worker, your mum, a stranger. I hope what I said to this girl made her feel good, but it also made me feel good. I knew I’d be kicking myself if I didn’t say something to her even though I’d been thinking it all night. Some thoughts shouldn’t be kept to ourselves.

Being by yourself doesn’t have to be intimidating: create the right environment, look after yourself, and you’ll probably enjoy it more than you think.

Joys this week…

As this is a spur of the moment Sunny Side Up, I haven’t been documenting all the little joys that have come up this week. They’ll be with you next week though! Instead, here are some small things that have made me happy over the past few days…

• This Time Next Year - I watched this for comfort the other night and loved it. It’s a cheesy rom-com that ticks all my boxes: light humour, likeable leads, no scary/sad bits, leaves you feeling warm and fuzzy. It stars Sophie Cookson (who I really love) and Lucien Laviscount.

• How To Fail with Elizabeth Day - I’m very excited as I managed to secure tickets to Elizabeth Day’s tour next year and have been obsessively listening to the podcast from my sun lounger. This week’s episode of How to Fail features Sara Cox and it’s such an interesting interview: she speaks so well, is an incredible broadcaster and I love how honest she is in this episode. Elizabeth Day has such a talent for getting the best out of people while making it seem effortless.

• Areias - these are delicious shortbread-like biscuits that are named for the sandy texture they have. I tried some when we went for lunch at a Portuguese bakery this week and they’ve been on my mind ever since. I’m definitely going back for more!

• Birkenstocks - How did I deal with the pain of flip-flops before I bought a pair of Birkenstocks? I always used to laugh at my mum for wearing the Arizona sandals but who’s laughing now? They’re so comfy. Never going back.

• Barbie, Betty & Beauty Standards - it’s made me so happy to see all the love on my last post. Just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who took the time to read it, share it, like and leave a comment. Means the world!

Thanks for catching up with me this week! I’ll see you next week for more Sunny Side Up fun xxx