In defence of the Frazzled English Woman

Thoughts from a real life F.E.W.

Nov 01, 2024

A trend for you, a lifestyle for me.

If there’s one thing I’m proud of being part of Gen Z, it’s the ability to romanticise every minuscule thing, and I’ve finally found something that fits me just right. Why? Because I am the trend. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you read that right. I AM TRENDING. In fact, not just me - my entire species. My kindred spirits. Enter: The Frazzled English Woman (F.E.W) aesthetic.

I really want to be the effortless cool girl I see plastered across my Pinterest boards but the fact of the matter is that last week in London Waterloo station my Pret A Manger paper bag broke in the toilets and my lunch went all over the floor (read: utterly devastating). The cool girl could never be me, and I could never be she.

I think part of the reason why the F.E.W trope has picked up so much is because it accepts imperfection freely. Despite what social media attempts to manipulate us into believing, perfection is wholly unattainable. Deep down, we’re all just Frazzled English Women trying to get home from work in torrential rain. If you’ve anxiously picked off your nail polish and now they’re chipped, spilled scolding hot coffee on your jeans, or have a nose pink with common cold, you need not fear - it’s fashion.

English women have been portrayed as disheveled for as long as I can remember, and in many ways this is frustrating. Sure, we’ve got fabulously elegant representation in the form of Elizabeth from The Parent Trap or Fiona in Four Weddings and a Funeral, but more often than not we’re depicted as chaotic creatures cloaked in a chunky knit. Not only that, but the F.E.W is typically directly contrasted by a sleek woman with hair perfectly styled in a French twist and wrapped in a Burberry trench. I do wonder why “frazzled” is the genre we have been thrown into. Is it because we wear cagoules? Personally, I think I’d have preferred “cool and carefree” like Kate Hudson, or “sexy and strong” a la Sofia Vergara, but these are the cards I’ve been dealt and I’m just going to have to make it work. And for twenty-four years, I have. This is my area of expertise.

I’m going to forewarn you: to be an F.E.W is to be a very specific type of woman. For example, The Devil Wears Prada: Andy (Anne Hathaway) is frantically running around the city, working herself half to death, and yet I wouldn’t describe her as frazzled. Emotionally drained? Yes. Stressed? Yes. In need of a pay rise? Absolutely. Emily (Emily Blunt), however, sits with a Rudolph-esque nose as a result of contracting the flu, hands over her eyes as she repetitively informs herself that she loves her job. AND, best of all, she will shout if necessary. That, my friends, is a frazzled woman.

*About Time* (2013). CRIMINAL styling here. CRIMINAL, but painfully accurate.

I’d also like to mention Rachel McAdams as Mary in About Time, who gets a shoutout here because they style her in a bridesmaids dress with a knitted cardi over the top and a chunky necklace. Honorary F.E.W status. There’s just something so English about throwing a cardi on top of your Sunday Best in case you get chilly. I’ll tell you what, if you’re trying to get an authentic English look, wrap yourself up in a shrunken woollen cardigan over your midi skirt (or dress), a pair of wellington boots or trainers and a big coat that resembles a duvet. Full F.E.W style advice will come later in the article.

Another American that totally pulls off the F.E.W - Laura Linney as Sarah in Love Actually. Very well played. She’s so endearing - I think it’s the fact that she’s painfully relatable in all the frivolous, girly ways (you know the scene where she’s bursting with excitement because Carl is in her flat?), but then we simultaneously ache for her because she’s got such a complex and difficult life. Again - imperfection. Poor Sarah works all day, visits her brother at the hospital in the evenings - she must be exhausted. Maybe F.E.W is just an essence because I’m starting to think you really don’t need to be English for this. Maybe they should just call it the Frazzled Woman. The Frazzled Yet Emotionally Strong Woman.

The Origin of the Frazzled English Woman

Essentially, the F.E.W is relatable because she’s a busy woman spinning many plates, trying her very best to keep it all together. Versus the slick, chic leading lady typically portrayed in the American romantic comedy (AKA Cameron Diaz in The Holiday), it is almost comical that the F.E.W has become aspirational. Would you not rather own a cute pastel Prada handbag and stop off for coffee on your way to your magazine journalism job in the big city?

Reflecting on the standard for women in the early 2000s (during which the majority of F.E.W figureheads were created), it wasn’t a comfortable time to be a woman. The beauty ideal was suffocating - “thin was in”, think Kate Moss cool-without-trying. As beautiful as the women in these films are (we’re literally talking about the likes of Keira Knightley, Renee Zellweger and Kate Winslet here!!), we aren’t supposed to be conscious of or distracted by their beauty. As much as nostalgia keeps these movies warmly in our hearts, even Richard Curtis has admitted they’re outdated, emphasising his regret at the jokes made about women’s weight.1

*Bridget Jones’ Diary* (2001). Daniel Cleaver you REPULSE ME!!!!

In The Rise of the Frazzled English Woman, Saffi Breakwell makes an excellent point. She indicates that the female employment rate began to rise in the early noughties, writing:

‘We can see the struggling young woman of the noughties emerge, trying to find her way in a working world which still does not take women seriously.’2

Take our beloved Bridget Jones as an example - she is harassed in the workplace!! I don’t care if she fancied Daniel Cleaver back and played into it a little bit, if a man spoke to a woman like that in the office in 2024 I’d like to think he’d get the sack. In one sense, the F.E.W portrayed in our favourite classic romantic comedies are powerhouse working women that earn every penny that secures them a stunningly unrealistic central London flat, but equally, it’s no surprise that they were so desperately in need of a hot bath and a large glass of wine when they’ve had to deal with shite like that all day. It wasn’t even just Bridget, I’d like to give a shoutout to the absolute swine that is Jasper from The Holiday who will NEVER be forgiven.

Breakwell also highlights that all of these women fall into the category of white and middle class, thus suggestive that if you do not check those boxes then you are not fashionable and cannot partake in the trend, which is clearly false and problematic. I’d therefore like to highlight that I do not believe any of us want to be frazzled in the way that these women were, i.e. we do not want unrealistic beauty standards paralysing us nor do we want to be harassed in the workplace.

We’re all here because we feel represented by these characters in some way or another, whether it’s the way they cope with emotional chaos, the fact that we like their penguin pyjamas, or that we can identify with their self acceptance and refusal to conform to ideals of perfection. The F.E.W (2024 edition) seems more focused on styling your (frizzy, still wet) hair in claw clips, Big Scarves, accepting your jumper with three holes in it, and trying your best not to get sweaty on the tube. This is something I can get on board with.

The Frazzled English Woman: An Honest Guide

It really is all fun and games over here, so I’m putting together a guide for those of you who want to authentically embody the Frazzled English Woman trope. As a real-life F.E.W, there really is no better person to turn to. You’re so welcome.

Frazzled Styling

I half-joked before that you just need a midi skirt and a pair of wellies to get the F.E.W look, but there’s so much more to it. What you need to remember is that you’re dressing for the weather, which is either brisk cold or a downpour. If you’re in L.A. and looking to dress like a F.E.W, then just be grateful for what you’ve got.

F.E.Ws in the wild. L-R: Claudia Winkleman, Lily James, Jenna Coleman, Helena Bonham-Carter, Vanessa Kirby, Suki Waterhouse.

Invest in a good chunky knit because you can wear these with everything. Jeans, midi skirts, over a dress, leggings - a chunky knit is your best friend in the colder months. Also - I hate to sound like your mother - but you need a good pair of tights. And they need to be reasonably thick or what’s the point?

Last year I purchased a pair of Doc Martens because Claudia Winkleman (also an F.E.W) swears by them, and they don’t disappoint. Fab in rain, but they also make me look cooler than I am, so it’s a win-win situation.

The most important thing in your wardrobe is your raincoat. This isn’t for fashion, this is for WATER. Do you remember the Ice Bucket Challenge? That’s real life over here. You want your coat to be able to withstand a bucket of ice water being dumped on your head. You want to be warm as well, so make sure it fits a little bit like a duvet. You might look like a slug, but it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Remember that.

Accessorise with a handbag (ideally a crossbody) to fit your whole life in but actually contains nothing useful at all aside from a packet of Kleenex with only one tissue left, half a packet of Polo’s and Paracetamol. You’ll end up clutching all the essentials in one hand anyway.

You really don’t need to bother with your hair which is why so often you’ll see an F.E.W with her tendrils shoved in a claw clip. You look effortlessly undone because you’ve not had time to put the effort in and your hair is genuinely falling out of the clip. BUT, given the time of year, you’ll probably end up at a Christmas party, in which case go all out and wash it, put in your leave-in conditioner, blow-dry it. You’ll need some concealer under the eyes and a red lip. You look GORGEOUS.

Frazzled Essentials

This isn’t your average trend toolkit. These are the things I wholeheartedly believe will add your life.3

Lavender: this can come in the form of a shortbread biscuit, a sleepy tea, a pillow mist, bubble bath, bar of soap, maybe dried lavender in a vase?? Up to you. But a must.
Cup of tea, slightly cold: this is typical and inconvenient, but you don’t have time or the patience to make another one so you drink it anyway. Ideally it’s an English Breakfast enjoyed alongside a dark chocolate digestive biscuit, dunked for a couple of seconds too long and leaving a few crumbs floating that make you cough when you drink it. If it’s been a particularly hard day, you may opt for something stronger.
Ginger: again, this can be in the form of a lemon and ginger tea, a gingerbread man, crystallised ginger, but never a gingerbread house because it will only fall down and you won’t eat it.
Woolly gloves: If you’ve never known the pain and frustration of a chilblain, count yourself lucky. One of the best parts of being a frazzled woman is now doing all the things your mother told you to do when you were younger that you put up a fuss about. Winter is bitter, and your cosy hands will thank you.
Vaseline: Other lip balms are available. You should have a tin of Vaseline in every pocket and handbag you own else your lips will be forever chapped. You won’t be able to open the tin with your aforementioned woolly gloves on though.
A box set: You will need something to hibernate with. I’ve heard people love Downton Abbey and The Crown but I’ve never been into them. I’ll be watching Only Murders in the Building, Slow Horses, and Death in Paradise when January rolls around. Best enjoyed with your feet up on the sofa, and a hot cocoa that is slightly too hot (i.e. you burn the tip of your tongue and it’s got a bit of skin on it but it’s fine).
A slow cooker: You come in from work tired and cold. The last thing you want to do is cook a meal. Lucky for you, your crockpot has been doing the hard work for you all day. You will never be more grateful for anything than you are for a slow cooker, guaranteed.
Hot water bottle: Central heating isn’t enough. A hot water bottle isn’t just a way to defrost, it’s a friend. A warm hug after a long day. A reminder that there are warmer days ahead.
A Big Scarf: The purpose of The Big Scarf isn’t to look good, it’s to cover the majority of your face so that you don’t get cold, to hide behind if you see someone you don’t want to interact with, and so that if you sneeze it doesn’t go all over the person next to you on the train. That being said, The Big Scarf can be a groundbreaking accessory, and for that reason I would like to declare Lenny Kravitz an honorary F.E.W. Exhibit A: