How nice it is to stop and smell the roses.

A reminder to be where your feet are.

My next door neighbour always tells me that “comparison is the thief of joy”. Theoretically, I know she’s right, but comparison is just so persuasive.

Comparison is the coolest girl in school, her shiny brunette locks swishing immaculately in her high ponytail. She carries around a Jack Wills tote (or whatever the current equivalent of those is…) and spritzes Hollister Crescent Bay body spray at any given opportunity. Her teeth are straight and pearly, and she didn't even need braces. She got an A on the test and she didn’t even study. She collects friends like Infinity Stones. You can hear her giggle loud and obnoxious at the back of the class, and wonder why it is that you can’t be more like her.

I’m sure we’ve all fallen victim to comparison. It’s human nature! Even on Substack, a platform heralded as the most supportive and inclusive social media, I see notes from people despairing that they don’t feel good enough because of their subscriber count, or questioning the worth of the words they spent hours perfecting. Admittedly, I see far less negativity on this app than I did on platforms such as Instagram, where every day was like fighting against the current to feel a sense of optimism, but it’s a shame that comparison will snake its way into every space it can find.

There’s an argument that comparison is there to inspire and motivate, but I don’t think this could be further from the reality. Not once have I felt encouraged to make positive changes as a result of comparison. For me, its very nature is rooted in unhealthy soil - comparison has made me want to change my appearance, my interests… even where I lived! We are overexposed to the lives of others, down to the intimate details of their morning routines, their after-work rituals, the food they cook for their partners. It is impossible not to look at this content and consider our own lives in the same line of thought. However, if we’re looking at the content and feel an impulse to change our lives as a result, we have to question why we feel this way. Are we doubting ourselves? Do we feel inadequate? Do they have something we want, or just something we feel we ought to have to fit in with the trending ideal?

Someone I look to when I feel the strain of comparison bubbling in the pit of my stomach is Sabrina Carpenter. Hands up if you remember Girl Meets World and when she released Eyes Wide Open?! I had that album on repeat. I was a White Flag girl. Anyway - I digress. Sabrina had six albums (excluding her Christmas BOP) before she released Espresso and found herself experiencing solid mainstream success. She had glimpses of it before, with tracks like Nonsense and Because I Liked A Boy, but it wasn’t until the summer of 2024 that she finally had her well-deserved meteoric breakthrough - and not for lack of talent or trying.

In 2023, Sabrina accepted the Variety Hitmakers Rising Artist Award. In her speech, she reflected on her steady career:

‘Something that my mom always said to me as a little girl that really annoyed me was that I am the tortoise, and if you guys know the tortoise and the hare thing, that pissed me off a lot because, you know, throughout my life, [I was] being told, ‘Sabrina, you’re the tortoise, just chill,’ like ‘it’s okay, you’re the tortoise, just slow down, it’s going to be okay,'” Carpenter said. “In moments of frustration and confusion it can feel like a letdown, but it turns out it’s actually a very good thing. And I’ve really loved getting to know the mindset of a slow rise.’¹

In the age of TikTok, you can achieve phenomenal success overnight by uploading a video of your chocolate covered strawberries.² This has created a facade that major milestones can be achieved with next to no effort at all, but clearly this isn’t the case. As a result, we feel a heightened sense of disappointment when things don’t work out the way that we hoped, or the way that we’ve seen presented to us on social media. One might hear Espresso on the radio and think Sabrina got lucky with a summer hit, but a quick Google search will reveal that she’s been working for this since she was a pre-teen. In an industry that can catapult someone into stardom with the double tap of a finger, it would have been all too easy for Sabrina to assume there wasn’t space for her. Nevertheless, she trusted in her own talent and value, and persisted.

Pressure inflicted by comparison can spiral into all aspects of our lives - career, finance, relationships, friendships, you name it. Not letting it blur our vision can be the ultimate challenge. If we trust ourselves, however, we can open up a realm of new opportunities and unveil a newfound freedom.

Like Sabrina, I have always been a tortoise. I was the last in my class at school to get their pen certificate, and the last in the running race on sports day. I was the last of my friends to pass my driving test, and the last to go to university. The last to be in a relationship, and the last to move out. I used to punish myself a lot for this, condemning myself for falling behind in life and feeling as though I was running out of time, late for something I didn’t even have scheduled. I’ve since learned that you simply cannot be behind in your own life. I don’t think it helps that as we grow up we’re following the required system, synchronised with everyone else in our age group. When we’re released from this system, we have nobody there to guide us. It’s like taking the stabilising wheels off a bike before you feel like you’re ready: we’re bound to wobble at first, but we’ll soon get the hang of it, as much as we scream that we won’t.³

My favourite phrase is “be where your feet are”. It reminds me that the only place I can be is where I am in that present moment, and that is enough. I’ve learnt from experience that as much as I try and morph myself into the person I see on Instagram, I will never be them. No amount of baby pink blush will turn me into Sabrina Carpenter. Buying a Zara leather jacket won’t turn me into Molly Mae. Moving to Surrey won’t make me Iris from The Holiday (I tried this. Big oops). Equally, they can’t be me either. If I swapped lives with them, I wouldn’t have the same friends or family, I wouldn’t get to go to work at the job I love, I wouldn’t get to say hi to the sheep in the field in the mornings. Appreciating where we are is like unlocking a new level on a video game. I was going to say Temple Run but I think that might age me? (Do people still play Temple Run?) It gives us access to a new point of view.

If you ever feel like you’re falling behind or you might be the tortoise, I urge you not to see it as a negative or something to shame yourself for. People live life at the pace that is right for them. Any day now could be your best one yet! You could get an interview for your dream job next week. The love of your life might be in the cafe you’re going to tomorrow. Your boss could be planning a promotion for you right now, and you might not know anything about it. My point is, you’re right on time, no matter how it might feel. Remind yourself that you’re just taking the scenic route, and how nice is it to have the time to stop and smell the roses?

1. via Variety.

2. In February, a TikTok of chocolate covered strawberries became one of the most liked videos on the app.

3. This video demonstrates my point exactly.