Sunny Side Up #17: How To Be A Great Success

& why bitter isn't better.

Oct 02, 2024

Another week, another edition of Sunny Side Up to help us all look on the bright side of life! Today I want to talk about success - in particular, the success of other people.

I wrote about the toxicity of comparison recently, and how looking at what other people are doing is damaging to our own self-worth. I’m going to juxtapose this thought today, and talk about why looking at other people’s successes is a great way to inspire your own.

Comparison vs. Inspiration

The key difference between a negative thought of comparison and looking to someone for inspiration is you’re not feeling down and defeated because someone else has achieved something you have not (yet), but instead you’re feeling motivated and encouraged by the fact of their success, using it as evidence for your own.

Taylor Swift wrote a song called Foolish One where she sings about how silly she is for being so hopeful and optimistic about a relationship. She tells herself, “you are not the exception”. I get that in the context of the song it’s meant to be self-deprecating, but I actually find this a really reassuring sentence.

The fact is, you’re not special. None of us are! The world doesn’t revolve around you, which means it’s also not conspiring against you. You are not an exception to the rule, which is why you have just as much chance as anyone else.

Learning from others

This week my friend Beth texted me with the news that she’s got an amazing opportunity to help her towards her dream career. My instant feeling was a rush of excitement, as if I had got this opportunity myself. I’m just so proud! In typical Beth fashion, this isn’t something that was handed to her on a silver platter, but something she was smart and proactive enough to go after. If Beth didn’t have her own back and best interests at heart, she simply wouldn’t have this opportunity.

I think it would be easy to look at someone with an opportunity like Beth and start to feel sorry for yourself - things like that never happen for me, I could never do that, good things happen to everyone other than me. This simply isn’t the way! How can you possibly expect to find success for yourself when the narration in your head is saying the opposite.

Emily

has a great post on changing the way you talk to yourself which I highly advise you read if this is something you struggle with.

There was definitely a time in my life where I would look at the success of others and feel bitter and admit defeat. Jealousy and envy are natural human emotions. But surprise, bitterness only holds you back while everyone else keeps moving forward. The quicker you learn this, the better life will be.

Using others as inspiration is far more productive. For example, Beth went out of her way to forge new connections and ask for help. This can be intimidating, but the bravery pays off. If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable with someone else’s success, maybe look at the steps they took to get there and see if you can apply them for yourself. It might work for you, too.

The Facade of Success

I saw Graham Norton the other week and he was asked if he ever gets starstruck by the celebrities on his chat show. He said no, not really, because after you’ve been speaking to them for a minute or two, it’s just a woman in a frock. They’re not actually that special.

In my head successful people were always shinier, sparkling with a golden glow that differentiated them from us mere mortals. They don’t, which is why Josh O’Connor will forever be the man I mistook for someone I actually knew when I was looking for the Duke of York theatre. Very smiley man though. We put people on pedestals and assume their success or what they have is unattainable, and forget that these people are only human and the success they’re experiencing is a tiny chapter in a much longer story.

How do you measure success?

The other thing about success is it’s all in how you measure it: if you want to measure it in the contents of your bank account then go for it. I’d recommend determining your success by how fulfilled and content you are. What about all the people who would have been considered the most successful people on the planet, only to later uncover that they’re truly miserable?

How to measure success:

If you started the day with a nice drink
If you laughed today
If the sun came out to say hello
If you have someone to tell “I love you”
If you got to pet a dog today
If you have a roof over your head and a cosy bed to sleep in

Corny-but-true thoughts to end on

Success isn’t one event or a singular milestone, it’s all the little things in the day that come together to make something average. Occasionally you’ll have a day that feels extra special, but don’t let it fool you. Don’t let the big successes devalue the little ones; every small step counts. If you want to look to other people, use it as a suggestion, an example of one way to go. Remember there is not one single ‘right way’ to do anything.

I’d love to know what makes a day a success for you. Let me know in the comments! 💕